Relevant

Do you remember the song from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air? It was called, "Parents Just Don't Understand"? That's what I'm writing about today. I hope to broaden your understanding on a few things today.

I know that when our kids have braces it is the first experience we, as parents, have with braces too. Some of us have had braces in our earlier years but many of us haven't and the process has changed so much it barely counts if  you did have braces. It's fine to not understand, it's more than fine to ask questions but please keep your dental/orthodontic opinions in check. I've noticed when a patient gets braces, suddenly everyone is an 'orthodontist"--family members, friends, even dentists are throwing in their two cents. You have to understand that I get the most interesting phone calls--this is where this stems from.

Here are some points to help you in your understanding:

1. Your child will never be done with braces after 1 month of treatment.
2. Your appointments will not take 2 seconds.
3. Your child will still become a productive member of society if they miss an hour of school.
4. Your child is not in agony after an adjustment.
5. Your child actually did do something to break their braces, whether or not it was on purpose.
6. Braces and wires do not spontaneously break or fly off the teeth.
7. Impacted teeth will not correct themselves.
8. A retainer doesn't fix barely anything.
9. Your Dentist most likely doesn't know that much about orthodontics, even if he or she is the best Dentist on  Earth. That's why they referred you to an Orthodontist.
10. It's very possible that your child does not brush their teeth often enough or well enough.
11. Nobody is being mean to your child--if they aren't following instructions repeatedly they will be spoken to. It's for their own good. If they aren't responsible for their own treatment, who will be?

Information is POWER! When you understand what is going on with anything, it gives you the power to react appropriately and with good judgment.

Here's another truth--your child can do something wrong. They aren't perfect and that's ok. It seems that everyone in the world just wants to make life easier for their kids and not have children deal with consequences. Nobody wants to think that anything is the child's fault. What's up with that? When we were kids, we got in trouble. If we did something at school, it wasn't the teacher's fault, it was our fault. For some of us, we were even scared of our parents, teachers and coaches. We wanted to please them because we knew if we didn't there would be consequences. That's how we turned out to be good people. That's how we learned lessons on responsibility and accountability.

Post #2
Time to beat the dead horse. It just so happens that this week we have had two instances of mothers calling us up to report that we have made their children cry and they now have a fear of coming here because they have been "yelled at". First off, no one got yelled at. Secondly, what your child perceived as yelling was actually an honest and frank discussion about your child not doing what they need to do. Thirdly, headgear does not wear itself and braces do not spontaneously break off before every visit. Fourthly, for this honest and frank discussion to occur it means the non-compliance and non-cooperation is out of control. We give kids every opportunity to step up before "the talk" happens.

How exactly do you, as parents, expect us to get the job done if you do not support us? I have written in excess about how orthodontic treatment is largely in the hands of the patient. Headgear, elastics, eating the right foods, keeping your hands out of your mouth--these are all things we can't control--but your kid can and has to in order to get the braces off. I can't think of another medical/dental procedure on Earth that takes so much patient participation. There is no way around it.

Back to the question...how would you have us handle your children who aren't exactly doing what they are supposed to do? Do we let it go until we are treating them for years just spinning our wheels while we waste our time and yours? Do we ask them really nicely and say please? Or should we let them know the consequences of their actions--cause and effect--and reinforce that they are responsible for their treatment, not Mom or Dad? How about if we deliver the message in a calm but serious manner?

What fries me even more is that if a Sports Coach spoke to them about something that they needed to do, no one would be jumping down that coach's throat. I would go so far as to say that you would take the coach's side. I am pretty much thinking that a Coach doesn't really have to ask things twice. I am also guessing that if you were paying thousands of dollars for your kid to be on that team that they would be compliant. I am starting to think that I need to speak to a Coach and learn from them.They seem to have the system down pat.

Ok, all right, I have kids. I get it. They don't listen and it is really tiring to keep asking the same things over and over. But there has to come a point (hopefully sooner rather than later) where you back us and get serious about getting your child to comply. I am not going to tell you how to do this but I bet you can come up with something.

Thankfully, this is not the prevailing attitude. Most kids are very compliant and cooperative and everyone certainly has an accidental breakage at some point or another. And that's ok. No biggie. Your children should never be afraid to go to their orthodontist's office--it is usually a pretty friendly place. We try really hard in our office to keep it a fun and friendly atmosphere but just as in parenting, sometimes you have to be the parent and not the friend.

Let's try to afford our children the same opportunities to learn as we had because we all want the best for our kids.